


Something Always Brings Me Back To You

by octothorpetopus



Category: Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Bisexual Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. & Amanda Rollins Friendship, Episode: s17e09 Depravity Standard, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Lawyer Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Let Sonny Carisi Say Fuck, M/M, Oblivious Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Canon, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Reconciliation, Reunions, Strained Relationships, basically i'm so convinced that carisi is going to be the s21 ada, like i'm positive, reconnecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-25 00:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20714891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octothorpetopus/pseuds/octothorpetopus
Summary: When Stone leaves, Carisi gets the call. Finally, after all this time, his dream job falls into his lap, and still he can't help but feel... weird.Like it's not his.So he makes a call.





	Something Always Brings Me Back To You

Carisi pulls up the keypad on his phone for approximately the eleven millionth time that night and just stares at it, at the perfectly round gray and green buttons. He taps it against his leg, which bounces with the aggressiveness that only someone who is well-versed in anxiety can manage. He is sitting on the edge of his desk. It's dark out, and everyone else has gone home. On a normal day, he would've been home hours ago. But this is no normal day. It's a good day. A really, really good day. At least, he's pretty sure it is. He thinks back to this morning, when he got the call. Jack McCoy doesn't call him often, and whenever he does, Carisi always picks up on the first ring. Today was no different. And then-

_"As you know, Peter Stone resigned. He's going back to Chicago, and that leaves a position open for an assistant district attourney."_

_"Yeah, I know. What's that got to do with me?"_

_"It's... unorthodox, but I'd like to offer you the job, Carisi." He was so stunned he dropped the phone. _

_"Fuck," Carisi muttered under his breath and fumbled for it._

_"Carisi?"_

_"Yeah, sorry, Counselor, just... are you serious?"_

_"Take some time, detective. Think about it."_

Carisi has thought about it. He hasn't stopped thinking about it. And he knows what his answer is, what his answer was this morning, and what his answer will be every second of every minute of every day for the rest of his life. But he doesn't call McCoy back, because there's another call he has to make first.

It's been almost two years since the last time he dialed this number. He's thought about it a million times since then, but he has never actually done it. What would he say? _"Hi, sorry it's been so long, how have you been? Oh, also, the guy who took your job after you were on trial for murder quit, so is it cool if I take it now?" _When he figures out the words, he'll do it. But his mind is devoid of words. All words. Literally anything beyond monosyllabic grunting.

He dials three numbers, then pauses. He can't do this. Or he can, and he's just being a pussy, so he should just do it already and be done with it and take the job and live his best life and Jesus, why is this so fucking hard? He types the last six. Maybe the number won't work. Maybe he got a new cell, or maybe he's dead and nobody bothered to tell him because why would they? He didn't even tell Carisi when he left. Who would give a damn if Carisi knew he was dead?

Well, now he's just spiraling. Because he wasn't dead. Someone would know if he was dead. Also, he wasn't even fifty yet, and yeah, he drank more coffee than any one person probably should, and his constant stress probably gave him high blood pressure, and eating nothing but takeout had probably done very little for his cholesterol.

Fuck. He's spiraling again. He hits the call button.

He's fucking crazy, he's fucking crazy, he's so goddamn ass-backwards fucking batshit crazy and the phone is ringing, Jesus Christ, the phone is ringing. Carisi feels his stomach knot itself. The other line rings once, twice, three times... it rings seven times. Halfway through the eighth ring, it clicks and Carisi just about has a heart attack.

"Hello?" Carisi tries to speak, but he can't. His lips move, but he can't breathe. He's choking on air and words that don't come. "Hello?" Finally, he can breathe. He can speak.

"Hey, Rafael." He hears the quiet breathing on the other end hitch, then release, slowly and shakily.

"Carisi?" Barba lets out a breathless laugh. "Oh- oh my god. It's been awhile."

"Yeah." There is an awkward pause.

"What's up? Need some help with a case or something? Stone not cutting it?" He lets out a sharp, bitter laugh.

“No, actually, I- shit, this is weird.”

”Yeah.” Carisi thinks he can hear something of a bittersweet smile in Barba’s voice.

”Anyway, there’s something I needed to talk to you about. I, uh, I talked to Jack McCoy today. Stone quit, and...”

”And?”

”And he offered me Stone’s job!” Carisi blurts it out. “Your job,” he says, softer. 

There is a silence on the other end that seems to last an eternity.

”And? Did you take it?” Barba asks, his voice unreadable.

”I told him I’d think about it. I didn’t want to do anything until I talked to you.”

”What for? I haven’t worked there in almost two years.” He sighs, and Carisi can almost see him run his hands through his hair, grayer now than it was then, tapping his free hand against his knee with some kind of ridiculous urgency. “Do you want the job?”

“I... yeah. I do. I really, really do.”

”Then what’s stopping you?”

”It just feels so wrong.” 

“Carisi, don’t be a fucking idiot. You want the job? Really want it?”

”I do. It’s just that-“

”What?”

”It’s just that... having this job, I dreamed about it for years. But I always pictured working with you. And I won’t get that now.” Carisi shrinks into himself, feeling the heat rise in his face. “I wanted to work with you, not take your job.”

”Sonny. I left voluntarily. I could have stayed, but it was time for me to go. And, if I’m being honest... Jack McCoy asked me for my recommendation on my replacement. And I told him you were my first choice. Sonny, I was hard on you, but that’s because I needed you to be better than me. You are better than me in all of the important ways. When I heard McCoy offered Stone the job, I was pissed, because you deserved it. And you still do. Take the job, with my blessing, and if you ever need any help... or if you just want to talk... call me.” Sonny nods, even though they can’t see each other, and sniffles.

”I will. Promise.”

”And one more thing, Carisi-“

”Yeah?”

”I’m proud of you, you know. Always was.” 

“Thanks.” They say goodbye and hang up. Carisi stares at the number on his phone long after the conversation’s ended, thinking of the late nights in Barba’s office with coffee and takeout, all of the drinks shared after a long day in court, all of the long stares and touching moments. All of these parts that make up the both of them. When he has his first case, he’ll call. And that first day in court, Barba will be there, sitting in the back, and they will add another moment to the list. He is sure of it. The last time, the last talk, last handshake, last glance will not be the last after all. Because it is not fate pulling them together, or God, or Jack McCoy, or coincidence. It is a form of gravity, the kind that cannot help but pull them together, but pushes them no matter how hard they try. It will always be the two of them, so they might as well let the current sweep them away. 

Carisi steps out into the cool autumn evening. He leans into the gravity, and lets it sweep him away.


End file.
